You actually want to make up. You think they do too. But reaching out first feels like losing, so you both just wait, and the rift deepens. Pride has stepped in front of the relationship.
Reaching out first isn't losing
The frame that casts whoever apologizes or reaches out first as "the loser" ruins relationships. It's the opposite: the one who values the relationship more, who can handle emotions, moves first. That's not weakness, it's maturity.
See it as win/lose and you both lose
Winning the argument but damaging the relationship is a net loss. Whoever holds out to the end in a pride contest may keep their pride but loses the person. Recalculate what you're protecting and what you're losing.
How to approach first without the weight
If a grand apology feels heavy, start small. "Did you eat?" or "that was rough earlier" opens the door. Better to reach out first, awkwardly, than to miss the moment perfecting the ideal apology.
If your pride still stings
If it feels unfair that going first is always your job, that resentment is also worth voicing. "It feels like I'm always the one reaching first, and that hurts" both protects your pride and opens the relationship.
If a standoff over who goes first drags on, it helps to calmly sort out what broke things. Once emotion clears, you often find you both wanted to make up all along.
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